Couple therapy

Couple or relationship therapy can be an effective form of help for many people needing support through difficulties or challenges in their most significant adult (usually sexual) relationship.

Human beings are fundamentally sexual. One-to-one relationships with a primary care-giver and our childhood experience of the parental couple are at the heart of our developmental journey towards a fulfilling adult sexual partnership. Hopefully teenage years and young adult life provide opportunities for us to relate with peers, and eventually to discover sexuality as a normal and enjoyable part of adult life, often in the context of a committed partnership.

How we relate, communicate and express our sexuality as a couple can be complex and confusing. One partner seems to be ‘speaking French’, whilst the other ‘speaks Italian’ and neither are satisfied whether it is in the kitchen, in family life or in bed! Strong differences can either be a means of expressing and enjoying our unique individuality or a way we unconsciously communicate with one another about unresolved problems from our past. Either way it can be tense and conflictual until we learn to ‘translate’ the other person’s ‘communications’ into a language we can understand.

Couples therapy aims to explore the relationship in all its aspects. In meeting regularly with a psychotherapist, the more unconscious ways of relating as a partnership will become available for conscious understanding. The different mental and body ‘languages’ that each member of a couple typically ‘speak’ become more available for translation with the help of the objective help of the therapist. Insights and new learning create opportunities for personal and relational change and development.

Mentalization Based Treatment (MBT) and its principles are often helpful to couples seeking relationship therapy, particularly those having difficulties in resolving conflict.

Couple therapy would often be time-limited and typically lasts between 12 sessions to eighteen months. It would usually be once-weekly or fortnightly.